Anxiety 

Being a passionate reader, I remember one winter reading fifty- two books. Savoring the finale to extend the read of a favorite. As .. The Glass Castle. At my best to be diligent getting through a few chapters awaiting a “click” to capture my interest on a read others experience difficulties to grasp.

These days the channel guide is challenging in regard to focus.

My blog or my purpose of this category… is my way of reaching out to others in the similar situation. Unwarranted research on the topic of Cancer along with so many advisories’ recommendations of reading materials, my purpose is to share the experience with hopes of release of my own fears, and bring any comfort to those with a zillion doubts they aren’t alone. Enough medical conversations, although intention of concern is greatly appreciated… tell me a story. Reminiscing on better days is most joyful, I’m fortunate to have fine memory coated with humorous anecdotes. 

Yes it’s an illusion all share similar effects … if I can relate or serve purpose to ease the mind bottling question in the daily change of emotional events of ones life … I am joyful. 

Anxiety limits my focus to read … writing has no limit. 

Within hours of treatment anxiety escalates. My advice is totally eliminate caffeine at least until most of the treatment flushes & the body finds its way in sinc. 

So it begins….

Positivity streams when interrupted by reality… it’s three days of my first double chemo and keep an open mind I admit it is not going to be a breeeze. An over abundance of meds for any uprise of side effects won’t compensate for the inevitable. Long night dosing on & off in restlessness awaiting the first sign of anticipated reactions. 

Deep breathes and assertive this will pass. I feel confined by my restrictions in daily routine. On a lighter note I could get used to a housekeeper…. aside of uselessness, lol it’s best to keep my energy on reserve. I overlooked this aspect first go of it, so time to shelf my OCD habitual and maintain a lifestyle stress free from minor obstacles. I’m so low maintenance at this point I can do this…. so I’m hanging up my Wonder Woman costume resolving to submission in my surroundings. 

I never enjoyed helping hands extended to me with a notion it would serve as a mark of incompetence… 

I’ll just put all that nonsense behind and focus on the importance of my health not to excert  myself and find gratification in the goodness of others… 

I never thought I could appreciate the fact others are just as capable to tend to me. Born in the sign of Cancer – July , we tend to overdue the maternal instinct to nurture loved ones & all who show a sign of need. Well I’m in need of others and once again with a smile I commit to make the best of the current situation. 

I have Cancer it doesn’t have me… 

Evacuation process has begun & I look forward to many good days ahead … 

Turning Leaf …

Again 

I love this tree 🌺

By the third week of planting, it was barren, not a petal ….. I thought the worst. 

I was assured it was duress due.

Fortunately for me I took this picture before I left our Winter home.

Today I learned I have cancer… Again 

I am in duress ….

But once again I will blossom. 

1 Year of Cancer

A year ago I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer….

24 Chemo infusions followed my surgery, the doctors said I was Lucky to have caught it quickly…..

Even more so not allowing a technician to remove fluids in my stomach at the emergency room, he believed the instrument could have been detrimental in spreading the cancer….

Good judgement on my part…

So blessed to have friends & loved ones on the journey 

So Thankful 

Blessings to all

Neuropathy….

It’s almost a year since my Cancer surgery, ways to go for First year of Chemo to have passed. Neuropathy has disapated quite some but the discomfort lingering…. 

So far hot tub is best remedy

Blessings to All 

The Count….

So it seems ’twas not an alien, today was my 17th of 18 treatments. Exhausted beyond fatigue my blood count results failed. I had a blood transfusion following chemo and will return to St Barnabas Cancer Center for another in the morning. 

Assistance was needed to walk …. Just as I prepared to call it quits. Dr Wagmiller explained the low count. Yes I was doing well & consistent with the program. 

Imagine you were attacked by Vampires leaving your  blood drained. It will be replaced and you’re back on track. I love her.

My fellow Warriors, never give up! Although everything & anything is anticipated there are solutions. 

Feeling better.

Count on it!

Sensitivity…..

My passion for culinary arts developed naturally. I believed satisfying others at my table was the task. Losing my taste buds made me aware of how I enjoyed a fine pallet. Not to mention the effect when my favorite dishes became irritating to digest.

Bland is best.

Wearing a protective mask recommended to avoid germs. A must at all cost. However, please  note nasal passages alter due to loss of hair, no kitchen aroma. Yet stuck in an elevator shared with another drowned in perfume is nauseating. Why wear it in a hospital?

Whenever I regain strength a full therapeutic massage is in need. My body is numb & sore due to lack of activity. Epsom salt baths are a lifesaver.

As though an alien has taken over my body or detached from myself, various occurances appear. Extreme nosebleeds, invest in a humidifier, especially in cold months as heat dries nasal passages. 

Tingling burning numbness which began rather annoying quickly became intolerant. Basically the feet and hands. Unfortunately this tends to occur at night. Scarlet blotches which seem to blister as your skin peels. Neosporin heavily applied twice daily resolves the issue. By no means should you wear socks! 

For a short time my eyes watered and became itchy …… Neosporin on the eyelids worked as well. 

On my first appointment with my Oncologist she provided me with various prescribed meds to help with nauseousness ….. I didn’t experience any for my first eleven treatments…..

Lucky me

Doctor Doctor 

Somethings wrong. I know this well, through the years my physical well being is important to me. My parents passed early in age, my belief due to poor health & obesity. I instill healthy eating habits & exercise. Avoid plastic & styrofoam, annoying to some LOL.With cancer on the rise & widespread familiarizing myself with antioxidants…. Prevention?

Cancer has a mind of its own. 

Primary doctor diagnosed diverticulitis …. Not

Horrid reaction to antibiotics en route to ER….. C Scan …Ovarian cancer. 

Fortunately he golfs, club members…. Doctors 

He makes a phone call and I’m guided to the best surgeon. Follow on to Oncologist. 

Research…. Pay attention… Every word counts. Before chemo…No caffeine, drink plenty of water & most important eat, eat & eat. To the point of force feeding yourself.

After treatment rest, rest & rest. You don’t have much of a choice as you experience fatigue. I can’t lift a fork & I use my fingers…tiny frequent bites of numerous small meals. Your body & functions are no longer your own. Stay Positive keeping a constant reminder this will pass.

I truly believe confidence in your doctor & faith gets you through….

Although know for sure Everything & Anything is anticipated. 

I commend St Barnabas Cancer Center & Staff.

Who’s Who

Honestly I am so blessed, family & friends near and far being supportive & caring. Unexpected surprise visits and gifts, I humbly feel embarrassed though I embrace the gestures. 

I lost a best friend to the battle a few years ago, my Mom a decade ago …. Thought I knew it all dealing with cancer, by no means . 

I can’t count the times now reflecting on them. Was I there enough? Did I comfort them as much as I feel the need ? How, Oh how they suffered…. 

I’m genuinely a high spirited happy being. When diagnosed; I upfront told my loved ones & Doctor no chemo for me. Not going on that emotional roller coaster with them, take my best days  leaving with a smile. 

What  a mind change seeing her reaction….. And his. My vision directed deep into the soul. My sister so devastated & despaired, and he so frightened, never before seen, he is my rock who crumbled before me. He’d never admit to it, he’s old school. 

My heart broken to see their pain. They were frightened, I accepted the challenge. I humorously tease her, as I reinforce an unknown strength to aid him. I need them immensely yet I desire to comfort them. It’s working. 

Worst sleepless night I’m alone by choice, in the morning we go to the doctor for my pathology report. I spoke to God all night, ask forgiveness ask for strength, how do I say goodbye? My children, my heart & blood, how sad. 

So pathology report was good, not surprised he dropped off my sister and I, said he couldn’t be there. He was so happy and assured on the news. I know he loves me. 

Visitors….. Many come as normal as possible, some look at me Crying! That’s a bit much, kick in my sense of humor to ease the atmosphere… Hmmmm doesn’t work, abruptly I respond they should leave ..no one is dying here, not today. 

I maintain positivity for all. My spirituality relieves my fear. I do this for me and those around me. Quite a juggling act. 

What matters most is not who’s who …. 

I am 

Chemo……

  
I have cancer …….cancer doesn’t have me……. We’re in a battle. 

I’ve procrastinated for months on posting, yet I feel a need to share. I have many realities which may be helpful to another warrior…..

This week is round 6 …. Each round consists of three treatments … The first of three a double…..

Doctors say my treatment is preventive, how fortunate in knowing my body so well; I was diagnosed early. Unfortunately what was removed …..  Was the highest level aggressively.

My doctors are phenomenal and I hold the utmost trust in them.

Til tomorrow…… God Bless 

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