Rose Colored Glasses

My father always told me I’d looked at the world through rose colored glasses. I felt he took me to be foolish. I recently watched a movie and was taken by a character who was quite beautiful yet consistently defended a compliment. Her next statement enlightened me on my growing up resenting words of hurt on my being stuck up or guilty of conceit. It was eloquently revealed her inner thoughts of herself .. how lonely not to be seen for her inner being. The revelation awakened my own self analysis of being. Yes, from my earliest memories I can recall many enchanting sights. The sound of laughter. The look of love, the act of sharing & patience, a sunset or cloud, the scent of Spring in the air as flowers bloom and soft rain touching my skin. The steady water in a stream, birds morning song, the tingle of a snowflake & cries of the city streets. I’ve learned to forgive, my faith has no boundaries.  Ah! Rose colored glasses .. yes I wear them well for I am blessed with the kindness to Gods Blessings & Beauty in this world. The magnificent creatures & wonders which many take for granted. I walk with my heart open & head held up to the sky for many rosey days ahead. A morning prayer of thanks, each day I reflect on this smile with hopes of generations of Rose Colored Glasses. Thank you  Dad for always seeing me …. 

the world is a beautiful place … Amen

Anxiety 

Being a passionate reader, I remember one winter reading fifty- two books. Savoring the finale to extend the read of a favorite. As .. The Glass Castle. At my best to be diligent getting through a few chapters awaiting a “click” to capture my interest on a read others experience difficulties to grasp.

These days the channel guide is challenging in regard to focus.

My blog or my purpose of this category… is my way of reaching out to others in the similar situation. Unwarranted research on the topic of Cancer along with so many advisories’ recommendations of reading materials, my purpose is to share the experience with hopes of release of my own fears, and bring any comfort to those with a zillion doubts they aren’t alone. Enough medical conversations, although intention of concern is greatly appreciated… tell me a story. Reminiscing on better days is most joyful, I’m fortunate to have fine memory coated with humorous anecdotes. 

Yes it’s an illusion all share similar effects … if I can relate or serve purpose to ease the mind bottling question in the daily change of emotional events of ones life … I am joyful. 

Anxiety limits my focus to read … writing has no limit. 

Within hours of treatment anxiety escalates. My advice is totally eliminate caffeine at least until most of the treatment flushes & the body finds its way in sinc. 

Assertion 

Early morning and I’m scheduled for next chemo today. Not quite a hundred percent though much better than previous days. My body weight seems heavy and I’m hopeful my numbers have sustained adequate for the treatment. On a few occasions I had blood transfusions as my blood count declined. Walking would be an effort but let’s not get ahead of myself, I’m open minded to complete the treatment. 

Taste buds have altered and meal portions are minimal. As of yet my hair is intact, and no signs of neuropathy returning. Discomfort from the port placement subsides and I have plenty of numbing cream to ease insertion. 

It’s a bright sunny day in comparison to the last battle home bound in the dead of winter. See that’s a plus ! 

Good wishes to all ! Let the day begin 

The Enevitable

A dark scary & most painful night occurred, in my first encounter 24 weeks of chemo I was spared one obvious side affect. nausea. Although advised last time I would loose my hair; doctrors promised I wouldn’t experience any nausea.  Along with my new cancer cells my treatment is altered or targeted with a new Mix. Prescription are given on the event of side effect.   

Several times it was mentioned my being fortunate never experienced nausea. Til last night….. 

Stomach swelled as though I were pregnant.. i thought I were toxic, the pressure &- pain unbearable… can’t lay down then doubled over…. Hours of nauseated ritual causing increased pain. …. my mind weakens and darkest thought spin in my head Is this worth it? Is Quality of Life? Will this be the end of me?!one treatment and 23 more to come…. 

exhausted physically and mentally drained ….’

This too shall pass 

Today I rest 

Meds…

Take one tablet every 4 hours not to exceed 4 in twenty-four hours. Take this one in one hour if previous medication doesn’t help nausea. 

Take one a day for digestion 

Take one every four hours til medication is complete 

Take one tablet 4-6 hours for pain

Use cream locally to ease reaction to antibiotics 

Use ointment sparingly to relieve discomfort 

Take Probiotic daily

Use numbing cream 1/2 hour prior to visit 

So what do Pharmaceutical companies have to loose if we have a cure? Lol

Let’s not forget administrative drugs used during treatment process…….

Food for thought…. 

Keep up a Good Life Quality! 

Low Maintenance 

Lol

To those who truly know me  ….

I’ve been called ridiculous & complimented on my table setting. Even a light lunch I so enjoy to present the meal. Okay there are plenty of us. My new regine is low maintenance. I frequently would become annoyed looking at paper plates on my daughters countertop. ” Don’t worry I’ll do the dishes or Run the dishwasher!”

Often I’ve peeked in her cabinet to find an appropriate place for them. I’m totally serious… my Mom loved them as well … 

Well look what has arrived!

 In my previous encounter with chemo I stupidly pushed to kelp all in order. Over exhausted myself in light housekeeping…. 

Whew !

Done with all that! 

Enjoy the day! 

So it begins….

Positivity streams when interrupted by reality… it’s three days of my first double chemo and keep an open mind I admit it is not going to be a breeeze. An over abundance of meds for any uprise of side effects won’t compensate for the inevitable. Long night dosing on & off in restlessness awaiting the first sign of anticipated reactions. 

Deep breathes and assertive this will pass. I feel confined by my restrictions in daily routine. On a lighter note I could get used to a housekeeper…. aside of uselessness, lol it’s best to keep my energy on reserve. I overlooked this aspect first go of it, so time to shelf my OCD habitual and maintain a lifestyle stress free from minor obstacles. I’m so low maintenance at this point I can do this…. so I’m hanging up my Wonder Woman costume resolving to submission in my surroundings. 

I never enjoyed helping hands extended to me with a notion it would serve as a mark of incompetence… 

I’ll just put all that nonsense behind and focus on the importance of my health not to excert  myself and find gratification in the goodness of others… 

I never thought I could appreciate the fact others are just as capable to tend to me. Born in the sign of Cancer – July , we tend to overdue the maternal instinct to nurture loved ones & all who show a sign of need. Well I’m in need of others and once again with a smile I commit to make the best of the current situation. 

I have Cancer it doesn’t have me… 

Evacuation process has begun & I look forward to many good days ahead … 

Turning Leaf …

Strength 

I’m often told of the intensity of my strength in many complimentary words of love. Yes I have an undefined strength, a true gift, however it’s a statistic in my composition of me. I’ve overcome &’survived many obstacles … the power of me is defined by those who surround my world, in good times and bad, happy or sad I find it a necessity to be humorous with positivity, laughter is the best medicine. 

I’m truly aware of my loved ones … kindred spiritual acknowledgment in they’re presence and feelings… one must be … one option is selfdefense from negativity. You know ” One bad Apple?” Lol 

No no no! I will not be among the spoils. My Dad has left his mark so deeply in my soul, those who knew him would agree. If I tried to describe him .. I honestly and always state ” if one could imagine Jesus & Leonardo DaVinci combined in one ” Yes he is my Dad. He knew me well … in my worst moments his words of wisdom ring through my mind to satisfy any doubts & fears.

” Kid with a strong backbone & sense of humor you can get through anything in life! ” 

Words to live by …. 

I pray my children remember and honor him, of which I’m sure … for they are Amazing, they are the greatest of gifts, my lifeline & soul. 

Blessed

Target Practice…..

I admit although I tried not to react; unlike my sister whom I dearly love, hearing my recent biopsy report. Learning that little tinny tiny ovarian cancer cell returned. Unfortunately in this predicament it becomes a life sentence. However, I’m optimistic! & I have an overwhelming love of life with all spiritual thoughts of not leaving here for quite a while LOL. On an up note, remission can prolong each interval of a comeback. Unlike my first adventure, it is contained… also on the upscale my remaining vital organs are ” Remarkable! ” Whew! 

Although it saddens me; the widespread epidemic of this fatal disease many encounter. with the Peeps escalating tremendously, science has advanced in treatment. Cancer is targeted for treatment. I anticipated feeling horrid this morning but not.  Again I follow the rules… plenty of water, force feeding, no caffeine, exercise & good positive attitude. 

Devastated yesterday when my new port was hesitant in cooperating… one threat of a new IV & wow did it flow! Lol  I’ll not cry nor throw out any white flags… we did much research on new developments in treatment, keeping an open mind with options, again ovarian cancer is still in its infancy in regard to immunotherapy.. whereas in other streams of cancer has been miraculous. Not to say it will progress for the future & hopefully in time for me.  I’m comfortable knowing my remission can escalate in a longer time frame.. unlike this past short year, perhaps 3-5 or 10 years. All good. 

Just brushed out my heavenly pooch who shows me unconditional love …. she as others needs me … strength… enjoying the remainder of this day & wishing Blessings to all. 

Deja vu

Port access done … vitals …. good…. Chemo ready. Of course first treatment is a double, I wonder how the mix will affect me. Lol must laugh as I recall the process…  cozy room and fortunately good company… I always pack a good lunch for myself and my companion of the day…. bagels for the nurse station …. 

As I settle down in treatment I wonder on the ‘Chemo dance’ 

Must be a site! 

God Bless All

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