Honestly I am so blessed, family & friends near and far being supportive & caring. Unexpected surprise visits and gifts, I humbly feel embarrassed though I embrace the gestures.
I lost a best friend to the battle a few years ago, my Mom a decade ago …. Thought I knew it all dealing with cancer, by no means .
I can’t count the times now reflecting on them. Was I there enough? Did I comfort them as much as I feel the need ? How, Oh how they suffered….
I’m genuinely a high spirited happy being. When diagnosed; I upfront told my loved ones & Doctor no chemo for me. Not going on that emotional roller coaster with them, take my best days leaving with a smile.
What a mind change seeing her reaction….. And his. My vision directed deep into the soul. My sister so devastated & despaired, and he so frightened, never before seen, he is my rock who crumbled before me. He’d never admit to it, he’s old school.
My heart broken to see their pain. They were frightened, I accepted the challenge. I humorously tease her, as I reinforce an unknown strength to aid him. I need them immensely yet I desire to comfort them. It’s working.
Worst sleepless night I’m alone by choice, in the morning we go to the doctor for my pathology report. I spoke to God all night, ask forgiveness ask for strength, how do I say goodbye? My children, my heart & blood, how sad.
So pathology report was good, not surprised he dropped off my sister and I, said he couldn’t be there. He was so happy and assured on the news. I know he loves me.
Visitors….. Many come as normal as possible, some look at me Crying! That’s a bit much, kick in my sense of humor to ease the atmosphere… Hmmmm doesn’t work, abruptly I respond they should leave ..no one is dying here, not today.
I maintain positivity for all. My spirituality relieves my fear. I do this for me and those around me. Quite a juggling act.
What matters most is not who’s who ….